


When You're Next To Me (Not the way I'm Picturing)

by Alexdanverswrites



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/F, One-Sided Attraction, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 01:14:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10061258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexdanverswrites/pseuds/Alexdanverswrites
Summary: Lena and Kara are high school friends and Lena has the biggest crush in the world on her friend. But, she knows they can never be anything more.orHSAU where Lena pines harder than a douglas fir. Based on Hayley Kiyoko's new song Sleepover!





	

Lena stared at the mirror of her locker door. Her eyes weren’t focused on herself—no, her eyes were trained on the girl in the reflection, Kara Danvers. Her best friend, her _only_ friend, the person who Lena shared almost all her secrets with. It had been Kara who had approached her when no one else had dared to come near her, it had been Kara who’d happily plugged her number into the brunette’s phone, it had been Kara who brought light into her otherwise miserable high school experience. It had always been Kara. And it would always be Kara.

Lena regarded the blonde for a moment, watching the way her head tilted back in laughter as one of her friends from the newspaper told a joke, the way her golden hair cascaded down her back in perfect waves, the way her eyes shown from behind her glasses. Lena bit her lip, her thoughts barely contained within the realm of reality as she stared at Kara.

She considered Kara her confidante, but there were only so many things that she could tell her. Only so many secrets that she could share. And this one, the biggest one… it could never be shared. No, it would always be locked within the vault of her mind.

Because, if she said those words—if she even thought them—everything would come crashing down. They would come crashing down. And Lena couldn’t bear to lose Kara.

A flash of blue appeared in the mirror, a pair of eyes, Kara’s eyes, as she glanced over and saw Lena’s own emerald eyes reflecting back at her. A wide smile burst across the blonde’s face as she excused herself from her friends, though Lena saw none of this. She was too busy ducking her head in embarrassment, cheeks burning from being caught.

“Lena! You’re not thinking of dipping out of girls’ night like Alex and Lucy, are you?” Kara asked as she pulled the other girl in for a hug. Lena smiled into the embrace, wishing that it could be longer, but knowing that it never would be.

“Of course not. But, it’s not technically a girls’ night when it’s just the two of us.” Lena said sheepishly. Alex and Lucy usually joined them, but Alex would be off butting heads with Maggie Sawyer, the other co-captain of the soccer team, and Lucy had a speech and debate tournament to prepare for. Which left her and Kara alone, at the Danvers house.

“Pshhh, we’re still gonna pretend it’s a study session while my parents are home, we’re still gonna order pizza, and we’re still gonna watch a silly movie. It’s the same thing.” Kara said, practically bouncing in excitement as she linked arms with Lena, the two of them following the crowd of students trickling out to the parking lot. “And it’ll be good for Alex to get out and actually play. She’s been really grumpy ever since she hurt her shoulder, so maybe her first game back will make her happier.”

“Here’s hoping.” Lena said with a smile. “Are you sure you don’t want to watch her play? I don’t mind.”

“It’s not a big deal.” Kara insisted as the two made their way to Lena’s car, the understated, but still very much expensive Lexus sitting in the back of the student lot. “She’s got, like, a bazillion adoring fans. I’m pretty sure Winn and James will cheer loud enough for me.”

“Alright, alright.” Lena relented as they climbed into her car. This was one of her favorite times—being with Kara and just getting it away from it all. The two had confided in each other, early on in their friendship, how alone they both felt at school. How isolating it was to be adopted, how much they felt overshadowed by their older siblings, how they both just wanted to run away to someplace new. To somewhere new.

She could see them, see them running away. Taking her car and all their savings and just taking to the highway. Driving until they couldn’t drive anymore and letting the wind dictate where they would go from there. Living life how they wanted, on their own terms. Seeing everything that they’d ever dreamed of seeing. Doing everything that they’d always wanted but been banned from. Sleeping, side by side, in the back of the car, arms wrapped around each other. Bodies pressed against each other—

Lena eased the car to a stop at the stoplight and glanced over at Kara. The blonde was regarding her with an odd look.

“What?” Lena asked with a small laugh, heart pounding in her ears.

“Huh? Oh, nothing. I was just—you looked like you were a million miles away.” Kara said.

“Sorry, sorry.” The brunette mumbled, grasping for an excuse. “It’s been a long day. I was just a bit out of it.”

“Gotcha. Well, I hope you’re not too out of it. We can still have fun without Lucy and Alex.” Kara said and Lena couldn’t help but blush at the girl’s words, mind racing a mile a minute. She had to control herself—Kara didn’t mean anything like _that_.

“Yup.” Lena swallowed, eyes focused on the road ahead, determined not to crash the car. That would just be rich, wouldn’t it? God, she had to get her mind out of the gutter. Kara was pure sunshine and light, she was the sweetest person that Lena had ever met. Granted, Lena didn’t meet many good people in her life, but that didn’t change the fact that Kara was one of the best people to ever grace the halls of National City High. Kara was innocence personified and Lena… well, her mother had made it clear time and time again just how perverse her feelings were.

No, she had to spare Kara that burden.

“Right, so what class are we ‘studying’ for today?” Kara asked as they pulled into the Danvers’ driveway. “Chemistry? Anatomy?”

Lena bit her lip and shrugged—God. It was cruel, how oblivious Kara was to everything that she was doing to her. “It’s up to you, I have notes on both.”

“Both sounds good to me.” Kara chirped up as they walked through the front door. Lena took a deep breath in, absorbing the warmth that surrounded her. The Danvers’ home felt just like that—home. There were always fragrant scents wafting through the air, be it from one of Eliza’s home cooked meals or the scented candles she liked to burn when they were expecting guests. “Mom, Lena’s here!”

“No Lucy?” Eliza Danvers called from her office. Lena could hear the keyboard of the doctor’s computer clicking away—she was busy, she always was. But, the difference between Kara’s mother and her own was that Eliza always made time for her daughters. While Lena was lucky if hers even acknowledged her presence. How different their lives were…

“Nope, she had a speech and debate thing.” Kara explained as they made a beeline for the kitchen, where snacks were already waiting for them. “Are you and Dad ready for the science conference?”

“Very nearly. I just wanted to put the finishing touches on my speech.” Eliza said as she emerged from her office, a mug of tea in her hands. “Nice seeing you again, Lena. What’s on the agenda for the two of you tonight?”

“We’re looking at science. I’ve got a big exam coming up and I thought Kara might be able to help me review my combustion reactions.” Lena said smoothly. Never mind the fact that she already knew how to balance equations.

“Is that so?” Jeremiah Danvers said from behind them, wrapping his daughter in a brief hug, kissing the top of her head as she squirmed in his grasp. “Well, Lena, you’re always welcome to ask either one of us for help. We might not be fully fledged chemists, but we know a thing or two.” He said with a wink.

Lena smiled bashfully and shook her head. “No, I think we’ll be fine. I just need help with a few examples. But thank you.” She added as Kara scarfed down snacks. “Unless _someone_ is too preoccupied with snacks to help me.”

Kara sputtered through a mouthful of mozzarella stick, face screwed up in a comical expression of hurt. “Wh-ff dyah mean preock-u-pied?” Kara swallowed indignantly. “What do you mean preoccupied? I can multitask!”

“Uh huh.” Lena said with a deadpan expression, which earned her a light shove. Butterflies raced in her stomach just at the mere touch of Kara’s hand to her skin, sending her heart palpitating again. Get a grip, Lena, get a grip.

Jeremiah let out a booming, fullbodied laugh and shook his head. “Well, good luck getting her to help you. We’ll be leaving soon, so remember the house rules..?”

The two girls chimed in, “No parties, fire, or boys.” The rules had existed since the beginning and, apparently, they were based on prior experience. Alex had been particularly rebellious during her sophomore year, which led to one particular night that led to the formation of all three of the house rules. Lena had been absent for that event, but Kara had told her she hadn’t missed much.

“Good girls.” He said, satisfied before leaving the two of them to their studies.

They opened their books and, like usual, actually did some of their homework. There wasn’t any point in not actually doing it when the parents were still around. But, Lena’s thoughts had a nasty habit of wandering when she least expected.

Glancing up from her chemistry book, she caught sight of the way that Kara was staring down at her English textbook, her hair falling and creating a curtain over the pages, the end of her pen resting against her lips as she tried to parse through Beowulf. If only that was Lena’s finger pressing against her skin, her lips, slowly dragging them apart. If only she was caught beneath the Kara’s hair instead of the book. If only Kara was above her, so she could reach up, grasp her, pull her down towards her.

“What the heck is swanroad?” Kara muttered, pulling Lena from her rather inappropriate daydream.

Clearing her throat, Lena ran a hand through her hair—it was a way of clearing her head that she’d developed long before now. “I believe he means the sea. It’s just a metaphoric way of saying it.”

“Ah… I didn’t even know Denmark had swans. Thanks, Lena.” Kara said with a bright smile. That alone was enough to send Lena back to her books, barely able to focus her thoughts. But, once the feeling faded—because it always faded—she was allowed a blissful hour of clarity where she could actually collect her thoughts and study.

“Alright, we’re heading out.” Eliza said as she and Jeremiah descended the staircase, both dressed to the nines. Lena set down her pencil and stretched as Kara acted similarly. “Don’t study too hard.”

“We won’t.” Kara said, shooting a knowing grin to Lena. Biting her lip, the brunette glanced back down at her nearly completed worksheet, not daring to look back up until she heard the door to the garage shut and the car engine start. The moment she did, Kara was beaming at her, mischief in her eyes.

“First one to the phone gets to choose the toppings!” Kara called, already halfway out of her chair by the time she’d finished speaking. Lena laughed and halfheartedly chased after her friend, but didn’t bother to try. She was happy with whatever Kara wanted.

Hours later, the two of them were snuggled under a blanket on the couch in a stupor, two forgotten slices of pepperoni and green pepper pizza left in the box, and some rom com Kara had seen a hundred times before playing on the tv screen. But, that wasn’t what had Lena’s heart going a mile a minute, what had her sweating bullets.

No, it was the fact that Kara’s head was leaning against her shoulder, that her hand had slid into Lena’s under the blanket. Of course, this was just how Kara was. She did this with everyone, with Alex, with Lucy, even with Winn and James. This was just Kara being Kara. It didn’t actually mean anything. But, to Lena it meant everything.

Because, even if it wasn’t real, she could always hold onto it in her head. In her head, Lena could be different, _they_ could be different. Instead of Kara leaning against her head, she imagined the blonde’s soft lips nuzzling against her, pressing soft kisses into the crook of her neck. She pictured Kara’s heated breath against her skin, ragged and wanting her. Wanting her the way Lena wanted Kara.

She imagined the warmth of Kara’s leg pressed against her own but in a completely different way. Imagined Kara resting in her lap, Lena’s hands pulling her closer. The way that she would gasp, whispered pleas for more that Lena would be all too willing to oblige. Noises of desire and the feeling of soft skin beneath her hands. Dragging her lips against Kara’s skin, pulling the cardigan from the blonde’s shoulders to reveal the creamy white skin beneath, a canvas that she would decorate, that she would worship with her lips.

Rolling motions, moans of longing, feelings of love, of lust.

Kara shifted, pulling away from Lena and yawning widely. The motion jerked Lena out of her daydreams, bringing her back to reality, where Kara could never know.

“Oh, I’m sorry… I totally dozed off.” Kara said, stifling another huge yawn.

“I think that’s a sign we should probably get to sleep.” Lena said as she glanced at the clock. Kara nodded sleepily as she kicked the blanket off the two of them, rising to her feet.

“I think you’re onto something. I’m gonna get ready for bed, you can use Alex’s shower if you want.” Kara said as she padded out of the living room, adorably disheveled. Lena nodded her thanks, rendered mute at the sight of her friend. When she finally managed to pull herself together and took her overnight bag to Alex’s room, she could hear the water running in Kara’s bathroom.

Lena shivered as she stepped under the spray of water and it had nothing to do with the cold. She imagined Kara, pulling the other girl into her embrace under the warm water. A soapy embrace, so incredibly cliché, but everything she longed for. Before her thoughts could get the best of her, Lena firmly turned to faucet to C and braced herself for the icy jets. She had to nip this in the bud before anything worse started. She had to drown out her feelings, had to push it all away.

Because there was no way she could allow herself to ruin everything that existed between her and Kara. If the blonde had any idea what was going on in her mind, there would be no going back to what they had before. So, the only way to keep Kara in her life was to keep her thoughts to herself.

Lena toweled herself off methodically before pulling on her pajamas and hurrying back to Kara’s room, shivering from her self-imposed shower.

“Ugh, I’m beat—hey, you’re freezing!” Kara said, reaching out and pressing her hand to Lena’s cheek. The brunette didn’t dare meet the other girls’ eyes out of fear. Could she feel the way her face flushed under her fingers? Did she know just what she was doing to her? “Did I use all the hot water? I’m sorry!”

“No, it’s okay.” Lena insisted, not wanting to cause the blonde alarm. “I’m fine, honest.”

“Okay… But next time, you can shower first.” Kara said as she snuggled under the covers of the bed, patting the right side for Lena to lie down. “C’mon, this is the quickest way to warm you up.”

Lena bashfully slid under the covers, making sure there was a respectable amount of space between herself and Kara, not trusting herself to get any closer to the blonde. But, the gap was closed when Kara pulled Lena closer, bodies arranged so they were almost spooning, with the blonde holding Lena against her. The brunette hardly dared to breath, not sure if she remembered how.

“Gosh, you’re cold.” Kara mumbled sleepily, her words tickling the back of Lena’s neck.

“Sorry.” She whispered into the dark, wishing she could see Kara.

“Just means I’ll always be here to warm you up.” Kara replied before burrowing her head into Lena’s shoulder. The brunette did her best to relax into her friends embrace, but it was difficult—no, impossible—to do so when all she could think about was the way Kara’s body felt against her own.

As Kara’s breathing became evened out and slowed, Lena couldn’t help but mull over the blonde’s words. Kara would always be there to warm her up, to melt the icy cold that the Luthors had set upon her. But never the way Lena wanted.

Closing her eyes, Lena sucked in a deep breath, taking in the warm, vanilla scent of Kara’s body wash that enveloped the two of them.

Maybe she could never have more than this. But, at least she had Kara in her head.

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, this is the product of me being both supercorp and hayley kiyoko trash. I listened to hayley's new track about 30+ times and sipped hard liquor while writing this, lol. I punched this out in about an hour, so if there are any egregious errors, please let me know, I appreciate any and all feedback. As always, feel free to send me a message here or at my tumblr, alexdanverswrites.tumblr.com


End file.
